Once upon a time there was a baseball Major League Baseball right fielder named Samuel Peralta Sosa. Loved by the Chicago Cubs and baseball fans across the country, he was regaled as one of baseball’s all time greatest hitters accomplishing 609 home runs, a .273 batting average and a 1,667 RBI count. Only a select few had ever come close to achieving such a record, and many thought this bright star from the Dominican Republic would go on to become a Major League Hall of Famer, joining the likes of Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb and Willie Mays as one of the greatest baseball players of all time.
On June 3, 2009, after a long and glamorous run in Baseball, Sosa announced his intention to retire from the MLB. He made the announcement in the Dominican Republic (the place where he was born) and said (in an interview with ESPN) that he was “calmly looking forward to his induction within the Baseball Hall of Fame” since his “statistics were up to par”.
Two juicers, embraced in a manly dope hug
Unfortunately kids; as poor Sammy Sosa (as well as Mark McGwire and 103 other baseball players) would soon discover, the Hall of Fame is only reserved for players who got there through natural performance, true skill and without the assistance of any illegal performance enhancing drugs or corked bats (as Sammy was caught using back in 2003). As information came out concerning Sammy’s long history of cheating and not playing fair, and basically being a Major League Asshole, his image became tarnished and he disappeared from the public eye. Never to be seen as a black man again (but later to resurface as a white man. See below).
With the above pictures, Sammy Sosa shows all of us why you should never turn your body into a human chemistry set. With loss of pigmentation being a reported side effect of steroids, it’s safe to show that he should’ve laid off the juice. When you refuse to become talented the natural way, and instead rely on drugs to accomplish your dreams; sometimes god [or fate if you are an athiest], comes back to bite you in the ass.
Let’s look at how a few other famous dopers would look with steroid lightened skin*:
Manny Ramirez
Alex Rodriquez (A-Roidz)
***
Losers. Quit your jobs, and give the bat to someone who actually deserves it. You are a disgrace to Major League Baseball, and your teams are even more disgraceful for paying you big contracts after your drug use is already well known. Go choke on a baseball.
*It should be noted that this article was intended to be fun and to ridicule those who use steroids, and is not meant to undermine the very real and very serious disease called Vitiligo, a skin lightening disease that millions of people worldwide suffer from everyday. While the above subjects likely contracted such symptoms from steroid use (and not due to vitiligo), people with vitiligo receive the disease via genetics or other factors NOT pertaining to steroids/drugs and go through unfortunate and unnecessary discrimination everyday as a result of this disease. One of the most famous victims to suffer from the disease was Michael Jackson, and other famous figures have suffered from the disease as well. To find out more about vitiligo, and what you can do to help establish a cure please go to http://nvfi.org/index.php and donate money. It should also be stated that this article is neither endorsed, sponsored or condoned by the National Vitiligo Foundation and that all views expressed within this article are the views of the original writer, and him alone.
